Heal With You (Trials of Fear Book 6) Read online

  Heal With You

  (Trials of Fear Finale)

  By Nicky James

  Heal With You

  Copyright © 2019 by Nicky James

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Cover Artist:

  Nicky James

  Proofing:

  LesCourt Author Services

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the author.

  Table of Contents

  Note to Reader

  CHARACTER BREAKDOWN

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Where you can find me:

  Other Titles by Nicky James

  Note to Reader

  Unlike all other Trials of Fear books in the series, this one is NOT standalone.

  Please be advised, if you attempt to read this story without having read all six previous books, you may not know certain characters or the struggles that brought them to this point.

  This book is intended as a wrap-up book. We will revisit each couple and see how they have progressed to this point and send them off with an extra little HEA.

  Thank you for following the series. Your support and love for all the couples in Dewhurst means the world.

  CHARACTER BREAKDOWN

  Owl’s Slumber

  Finnley and Aven

  (Thirty and thirty-five years old respectively at the time of their story)

  Finnley Hollins suffers from somniphobia or a fear of falling asleep. Fear is rooted in childhood. Combination of exposure and learned response due to false information fed to him by his father. He owns Hollins Funeral Home and both his parents are deceased. Finnley loves his coffee, meat, and potatoes. Not a fan of vegetables.

  Aven Woods is an architect working at Far Beyond Imagination. Vegetarian. He met Finnley after the death of his step-father. Aven never knew his blood father. His mother is a silent supporter of Aven’s sexuality but the rest of his family, including his half-sister, are not.

  Finnley and Aven marry at the end of their book.

  Shades of Darkness

  Rory and Adrian

  (Twenty-eight and twenty-four years old respectively at the time of their story)

  Rory Gallagher suffers from heliophobia or fear of sunlight and/or all light. He works from home as a web designer. Best friends with Krew (see below). Phobia rooted in trauma. Rory suffered third-degree sunburns after a college prank. Comes from poverty. Hasn’t seen his parents in six years. They are supportive but live far away.

  Adrian Anderson. Psychology student. Worked temporarily at the government-run twenty-four-hour counseling center. Long time sufferer of bullying. Comes from a wealthy background. Moderately supportive parents.

  Touch of Love

  Ireland and Raven

  (Thirty and forty years old respectively at the time of their story)

  Ireland Hayes suffers from haphephobia or a fear of touching or of being touched. Phobia developed as a learned response in childhood after watching his mother suffer from a similar phobia. Type one diabetic. Ireland is pansexual (but hates labels so don’t tell him that) and finds women more comfortable to be around than men. Works as a head nurse at Dewhurst County General in the surgical ward. Mother has passed away. Father has no contact—was abusive.

  Raven Kingsley is a jack of all trades, blue collar worker. He works for a moving company and does furniture delivery around town. Lead singer in the band Stone Angel. Has a sister, Ebony, and a niece and nephew. Parents are in a retirement home.

  Fearless (Companion Novel)

  Krew and Maxwell

  (Twenty-five and fifty-three years old respectively at the time of their story)

  Krew Cruwys works as a bartender at Bottoms Up (now Limbos). Never trusted relationships and doesn’t believe in love. Giant flirt and full of sass. A gentle sufferer of philophobia or a fear of falling in love. Phobia rooted in a rough upbringing.

  Maxwell Cunningham owns a chain of gay bars across the province called Limbos. Was once into the scene and was Daddy to a boy who passed away ten years before this story began.

  Lost in a Moment

  Grayson and Beckett

  (Both thirty years old at the time of their story)

  Grayson Brooks suffers from chronophobia or fear of time and/or the passing of time, and PTSD. Fear is rooted in an accident he suffers during the course of the story where he also loses the lower half of his right leg. Grayson has two smothering parents who love him dearly. He works as a landscaper.

  Beckett O’Keefe is Grayson’s childhood best friend. He is the owner of O’Keefe’s Antiques and Oddities. Beck has four pets he calls the Beatles. Ringo the satanic cat, George the parrot, John and Paul the beta fish. Beck’s parents are no longer in contact. He grew up mainly with the support of Grayson’s family. Oh, and he’s straight(ish) for the first half of this story. Eventually identifies as bisexual.

  Cravings of the Heart

  Arden and Iggy(Ignatius)

  (Twenty and twenty-nine years old at the time of their story)

  Arden suffers from cibophobia or fear of food. Phobia is rooted in a traumatic incident when Arden nearly died from botulism at age fourteen. Arden is one of nine children and was raised in a strict Catholic household. Going to school for fashion design and works part time for Ever After—a wedding store.

  Ignatius Rojas is Arden’s oldest brother’s best friend. He works as a paramedic. Mother suffers from a form of Usher’s syndrome which has left her blind and almost deaf. His father took off about five years ago. Iggy has an unstable relationship with Arden’s family due to their religious beliefs.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Rory

  I blew out a long wisp of smoke into the cool, April night air. The white cloud dissipated soon after it formed, taking a thread of my worries with it. It was my third cigarette in under twenty minutes. Considering I’d basically quit over the past year, it was a glaring neon sign indicating where my stress level was at.

  The city lights reflected off the lake ten stories below. Gentle ripples across the water’s surface made them sparkle and shimmer like dancing fairy lights. Silence had swept over Dewhurst Point with the early morning hour. There was barely any traffic. The world was asleep around me. It was peaceful and calm. A complete contradiction to the turmoil stirring my insides.

  The gentle drag and whine of the balcony door opening alerted me to company, but I didn’t turn around. I knew he’d find me eventually. Although I’d mastered the art of sneaking out of bed un
noticed, I could swear Adrian was somehow telepathically connected to my brain and received alerts whenever my stress levels tipped even slightly off balance.

  Asleep or awake, he knew when I wasn’t okay.

  Adrian read me like a book. Probably dissected me as only a psychology student could. Thankfully, he knew better than to share those ongoing analyses.

  I took another long drag from my cigarette and stubbed the butt into the ashtray I’d set beside me on the railing.

  I’d left our warm bed an hour ago. I couldn’t sleep with my head spinning. The nighttime hour was far more comforting than daytime, no matter how much I tried to adapt. So when life pressed too heavily on my shoulders, weighing me down, I escaped onto the balcony while the world slumbered. Only then could I fully breathe.

  My muscles never truly relaxed when the sun was up. My lungs tightened, and I could swear their capacity shrunk by half. Every thought, every movement, every attempt to live a normal life was strained in the daytime.

  Some days, I wondered if I would ever be one hundred percent better.

  Adrian wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head in the center of my back. He was sleep-warm against my cooling skin, his weight comforting.

  Respectful of his asthma, I blew the smoke from my lungs before turning and taking him into my arms, rubbing hands up and down the thin T-shirt he wore as I rested my head on top of his.

  “You’re freaking out again, aren’t you?” he mumbled into my chest.

  “Not sure I ever stopped. The closer we get to doing this, the worse I am, the more doubts I have, and the more unprepared I feel.”

  “What’s bothering you the most?”

  “I’m not sure. Everything. I hate that we land during daylight hours. I hate that we need to travel from the airport to the hotel while the sun is up. I hate that I’ve committed myself to talking in front of a room full of doctors from all over the country. But, what’s worse, I think being surrounded by strangers and knowing you’ll be busy a lot gets me the most worked up. I’m not a people person, Adrian. You know that. I don’t socialize well. The last thing you need is me following you around while you, Dr. Kelby, and this other guy are organizing the main event. What will I do with myself? Hide in a corner? Hide in our room? Fuck, I can’t even smoke because I can’t go outside in full daylight yet. I don’t know. I’m just worried this will turn into a clusterfuck.”

  Adrian tipped his head up and studied my face, squinting since he didn’t have his glasses on. Having just rolled out of bed, his thick brown hair stood on end. “You know a few people from group therapy. That was the point of setting that up ahead of time. So everyone could become acquainted and not feel so alone. It was supposed to help everyone’s comfort level.”

  “And socializing there has been hard. You see how I am. My gears seize. I get all funky and shut down. Never talk much.”

  “I know.” He sighed. “What would help?”

  I leaned forward and connected our foreheads, sliding a hand up Adrian’s back and fiddling with the strands of hair around his nape. “I don’t know. I just feel anxious knowing you’ll be busy a lot and I’ll be left to my own devices.”

  Our noses brushed, and Adrian pecked my lips before pulling back. His hands drifted to my hips and stroked a slow sensual path back and forth along the bare skin under my tank top. With eyes as dark as the night sky—deep brown under normal conditions—he examined an idea only he could see, gaze flicking about with his racing thoughts.

  “Well…” He paused and nodded his head, deciding something. “Why don’t you invite Krew? I know it’s last minute, but I bet he’d come.”

  I flinched, unsure where that random suggestion had come from. “It’s this weekend! Kind of last minute to ask. And we’re gonna be gone for three days. I doubt he can get that kind of time off work without notice.”

  Adrian huffed an exasperated breath and swatted my shoulder. “Please, Max will give Krew whatever he wants, and you know it. He’ll probably accompany him. They’re attached at the hip.”

  “True.” I considered for another three seconds. “Are you serious? You wouldn’t be upset if I invited him?”

  “It’s like you said, I’ll be running around busy the whole time we’re there. Erin has me taking care of a few side panels and registration stuff among other details. It would make sense for you to have someone else to hang out with when I can’t be around.”

  A knot loosened in my stomach and my shoulders dropped. I yanked Adrian into my arms and nuzzled his neck. “That takes a huge load off. I’ll message him in the morning.”

  “Good. Now please come inside unless you intend on giving yourself lung cancer in a single night by smoking that whole pack.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said into his shoulder. “Stress.”

  “I know. But you’re brushing your teeth before I kiss you again. The honeymoon period is over, my friend, and I’m not interested in licking ashtrays.”

  I chuckled and squeezed him tighter. “I’ll meet you in bed.”

  Releasing him, I swatted his ass when he turned to go inside. Adrian yelped and scowled over his shoulder as he pulled the balcony door open again. His feigned irritation only made my dick twitch. He was too cute for words sometimes. Too innocent.

  And all mine.

  “Don’t even think about going back to sleep yet,” I warned, not-so-subtly adjusting myself in my thin lounge pants.

  Adrian stumbled over the threshold of the doorway as his gaze traveled south, and I grinned, loving the flush that rose to his cheeks when he got flustered.

  Some days, I still couldn’t believe we were together. My life had been upside down a year and a half ago. Adrian was my salvation. Not only had he set me on a path toward recovery, but he also stood by my side through all my ups and downs and never gave up.

  We were complete opposites for the most part, yet, in other ways, we were the same.

  Fuck I loved him. My heart wanted to burst with the swell of emotions some days. I hadn’t known this life was possible, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

  I made a trip to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before crawling into bed. Adrian rolled onto his side and invited me closer. Tangled in his arms, I kissed him and let the rest of my troubled, anxious mind go. Morning was a few hours away, so I took my time, drawing out his pleasure and finding that escape in Adrian’s arms.

  The sun was already cresting the horizon when sleep found us.

  I woke a few hours later to Adrian tracing the lines of scarring on my back. His touch was gentle and tender. Loving. For a long time, no one was privy to seeing those scars, never mind touching them. They carried too many haunting memories and were associated with pain and anger. But Adrian knew all of me, and for the first time in my life, I felt comfortable being exposed and vulnerable to another human being.

  For the first time, I trusted.

  “What time is it?” I mumbled into my pillow, refusing to open my eyes.

  “After ten. I have to leave soon. Do you mind doing some laundry so we can pack tonight?”

  I grunted in affirmation and reached blindly for him. Disappointment surged when I realized he was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, no longer naked and lying beside me.

  “How long have you been up?”

  “Half an hour or so.”

  I grunted and rolled to my side.

  “Also, don’t forget to talk to Krew. Text me and let me know what he says.”

  “I will. Kiss?” I puckered, still refusing to open my eyes.

  Adrian’s full lips found mine, and we shared a sloppy, half-awake kiss before he pulled back with a laugh-snort. “You have no coordination when you’re not awake.”

  “Tired.”

  “Yeah, well, you were up half the night. Get up, though, because we can’t sleep all day when we’re in Alberta.”

  “Time zone difference will help. It’s only eight there right now, not ten.”

  The mattress shif
ted, and Adrian’s warm presence disappeared. I cracked an eye and followed his shadowed form as he crossed to the dresser and pulled it open, digging inside.

  The blinds over the window blocked out a majority of the sunlight. I still couldn’t handle long periods of time or sudden exposure to the sun. Increments. Controlled moments where I had a chance to prepare myself were about all I could handle. This trip was the biggest step forward I’d ever taken.

  Adrian pulled a pair of socks from within our dresser and held them up, squinting at them in the dark. I leaned over and flicked on the bedside lamp making him flinch.

  “Better?” I asked.

  “Thanks.”

  Deciding the socks were to his liking, he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled them on. Like always, he wore tan slacks, a button-up dress shirt, a tie, and now argyle socks. My sexy little nerd.

  I fished blindly for my phone on the bedside table and turned it on. The screen was dulled by the blue light filter setting which was turned up to maximum.

  Although I could handle all artificial lighting without a hint of trouble now, some habits died hard.

  I pulled up Krew’s number and shot him a quick text, asking him to call me once he was up and moving around. Working at a bar gave him odd hours, and he lived on my old schedule more often than not—up all night, sleep all day.

  “Okay, I’m out.”

  Adrian leaned over the bed and kissed me once more. It was more coordinated that time. When I tried to pull him down on top of me, he laughed into the kiss and broke free.

  “No. No time.”

  I smiled and fixed a wayward strand of his hair before he walked away. “I know. See you tonight.”

  It’d taken time, but Adrian had finally told his parents we were living together. He gave up his apartment a few months ago and officially moved in. Him and his cat.

  “Oh, and please feed Jackson, I ran out of time,” Adrian called from the front door.