Shades of Darkness (Trials of Fear Book 2) Read online

  We’d stopped a few feet from a bus stop where a bus was just pulling to the curb to pick up the waiting people. Its bright headlights flooded the street in our direction, washing over us in an intense white light. I turned my back, tugging at my hood, even though it was up as far as it would go. My skin buzzed and prickled, all my muscles growing increasingly more taut with the exposure.

  Adrian’s gaze slipped from my face to the bus over my shoulder, and he seemed to realize the problem immediately.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled, his brow scrunched. “Keep going. I’ll follow.”

  I didn’t reassure him I was fine, because the truth was, I wasn’t fine, and the college streets were a little too bright for my liking. Regardless of the warm layers I’d adorned, goosebumps cascaded over my covered flesh making me shiver.

  I walked at high speed, weaving down one street after another until we reached the main road of downtown Dewhurst. From there, I veered toward familiar streets and darker alleys. Adrian remained silent as he kept up.

  My heart pounded with nerves; a combination of too much exposure and my recent decision to follow through with seeking out Adrian. I could continue to make excuses for my runaway thoughts when it came to the man I’d met recently, or I could man up and own them.

  When I found safer ground under a burnt-out streetlight at the mouth of an alleyway I frequented often, I turned back to Adrian.

  When he saw we’d gone as far as I needed to go, he asked again, “What do you mean you were worried about me? Were you really out looking for me? How did you know where to find me?”

  I took a minute to survey him. His face was in shadows, but I’d seen him enough times to know when he looked flustered. I couldn’t see the flush in his cheeks, but I’d have bet it was there. His dark eyes shone with questions and nerves. He didn’t know what to make of my presence. Hell, I didn’t know what to make of my actions. One minute I’d been at home, unable to get Adrian off my mind, the next, I was scouring the streets near campus in a desperate—somewhat futile—attempt to find him. There had been more people milling about than I’d expected. It was sheer luck he’d crossed my path at all.

  In a moment I could only chalk up to insanity, I avoided all his questions and asked him what I’d wanted to ask him since I’d thought up this convoluted plan over an hour ago.

  “I was wondering if you’d like to have a drink with me. At the bar, or at my place, I don’t do coffee houses. Too bright. So… So that we can talk.”

  “We… We have an appointment on Monday. I’m off until then. If you need to talk to someone during—”

  “Not like that. Not counselor/patient, just… two guys having drinks and getting to know one another.”

  I waited while his face went through the exact motions I’d seen when I’d asked if he had a girlfriend.

  “I… I don’t understand. Are you asking… Oh my God, are you gay?”

  Realizing what he’d said, he slapped a hand over his mouth and fear surfaced. His innocence was astounding and bridging on cute—if I was allowing myself to feel that way about him, which was still up for debate but looking more and more likely. The swinging pendulum hadn’t rested on a clear answer yet.

  “Yes, very gay, as are you I’ve deduced. I can pretend all I want that you aren’t having an effect on me, but it’d be a lie. Krew’s right. Will you come have a drink with me, so we can talk?”

  My words spun wildly around his head. I could almost see them colliding with reason. Then, he frantically shook his head and backed up a few paces, almost stumbling once in his effort to get away.

  “I… I don’t think so. I… I have to go.”

  He was off like a shot, running back the way we’d come. I caught up to him in three strides and took hold of his arm, spinning him back.

  “I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me,” he sputtered, his muscles growing rigid under my hold.

  Hurt him? What the hell?

  I flinched and loosened my grip while his widened eyes took me in, pleading and looking desperately for an escape. He was terrified.

  His words stung. Did he see me as a threat? My whole life I’d been living on the other end of the spectrum. I was the one being hurt and never the one doing the hurting. Where had he got the impression that I would be like that?

  I guided him around until his back hit the cement wall, then I closed in on him, so our faces were inches apart. He went stock still as I stared into his eyes. Eyes so dark, I wasn’t sure I’d ever determine their color in my shadowed world. He didn’t move. I don’t think he even breathed. Although I held him caged, I brought a reassuring hand to his face and cupped his chin, so he remained looking at me while I spoke.

  “I’m nothing like them, Adrian. Believe me. I’ve spent my entire life playing victim to the same kind of assholes as your roommates. Someday, I will tell you my story, but it won’t be today. I know you don’t trust me, and you shouldn’t. That’s smart. Trust almost got me killed. I can’t stomach the shit that’s rolling around my head when I think about your situation, and maybe I’m wrong, but I doubt it. Especially seeing how desperately you try to avoid talking about it. Even though I can’t explain it, I fear for your safety. I’ve been worried about you for a week.”

  “I told you, I can handle them.”

  Again, no denial. Those men he roomed with were bad news. I could feel it in my blood.

  “And you telling me that, tells me there is a whole lot going on you aren’t saying.”

  His eyes searched mine, drifting all over my face. Seeking, studying, and trying desperately to determine if I was being honest. When he lifted a hand to my face, I flinched. He paused, but when I didn’t back away, he proceeded to remove my sunglasses. The small amount of light surrounding us made me squint as my heart lurched briefly, responding to the ingrained urge to run from the light. I pushed it down. It was nighttime, the alley was dark. Most nights, I could handle it fine without shades, that night was no different. My sunglasses were only an added layer of security, and seeking Adrian out had made me grapple for that comfort.

  “I can’t judge your honesty when I can’t see your eyes,” he explained.

  I nodded and swallowed hard. “You’re safe with me, Adrian. I swear it. I hope you can learn to believe that someday. So…” I hesitated, an inner tremble erupting out of my core at what I wanted to admit. “Part of the reason I went seeking you out tonight was because I needed to know you were okay. If you are having a problem with these guys, tell me.”

  Tiny beads of sweat sprung to life across his brow. The weariness behind his eyes told me there was a world of trouble he wasn’t sharing—probably with anyone. A growing desperation to protect him overwhelmed my senses. I wished I could make sense of all that was happening inside me. Was it nothing more than a kindred spirit pulling me to him, or was I feeling attraction at a deeper level?

  “What’s the other reason?” he whispered, a passing car nearly stealing the words from the air.

  “What?”

  “You said part of the reason you came to find me was to make sure I was okay. What was the other reason?”

  “Because I wanted to see you again and not as a patient… if you know what I mean.”

  The muscles in his neck worked out a difficult swallow. It was the only movement between us. Then, he licked his lips which ramped up my heart rate and made the breath hot in my lungs. I ignored the reaction. Everything that happened around Adrian was out of my control.

  “That isn’t a good idea,” he managed to squeak. “I mean, I’m your counselor, even if I’m not on the clock. It breaches rules. I’d get in a world of shit if anyone found out, and I need this job more than anything right now.”

  Rules. So many rules. I was tired of living within boundaries. My entire life was a huge boundary with limitations I couldn’t breach. Why did Adrian have to be one of them?

  “You aren’t allowed to have friends?”

  His forehead creased as he thought. “Umm… I’m not
sure that is proper procedure. Friends with a client, you know?”

  “How about while you consider it and make up your mind, I’ll buy us a drink.” I took hold of my shades, silently asking for them back.

  He released them and bit into his bottom lip a moment before nodding. “What the hell. This day has been a mess, and I could use a drink.”

  Before I slid my glasses on, I took a minute to peer deeper into his eyes. The lighting was poor, but on closer inspection, without my shades, I guessed those dark pools I’d been admiring were a rich brown. My close inspection grew his anxiety, so I covered my eyes and backed up.

  “Are you okay with Bottoms Up?”

  “That’s a gay bar, isn’t it?”

  “Was I wrong about you?”

  “No, I’m gay.” He dropped his gaze to the asphalt like the admittance was shameful or something. “I’ve just never been there before. Heard of it but haven’t gotten the nerve to… never mind.”

  “We can go somewhere else if it’s a problem.”

  He turned his focus to the mouth of the alley. “No, it’s okay, really.”

  I led the way, and Adrian followed a few feet behind. Bottoms Up was my go-to, late-night getaway. The problem was, Krew and Rigger were likely to home in on my company and make him uncomfortable. Hopefully, it was too busy for the duo to poke their fun.

  When we arrived, I held the door and let Adrian enter first. The Saturday night crowd was thick like I’d hoped. It turned out Bottoms Up had entertainment going on that evening. There was a drag queen prancing in front of the stage on the far side of the room hosting a Bottoms Up rendition of The Dating Game. Four men were on stage, and the patrons were all gathered around taking in the fun.

  I nodded to a vacant table near the entrance, far from the show, and encouraged Adrian to take a seat.

  “What do you drink?”

  He sat pin straight on the stool and glanced around like he’d never been in a bar before in his life, never mind a gay bar. He fixed his glasses as he turned to me and shrugged. “I don’t really know, but a beer I guess would work.”

  “Got a preference?”

  The blank expression told me no.

  “I’ll be back.”

  As was almost always the case on a Saturday night, Rigger and Krew were the only two bartenders, but they worked in perfect synchronization, never making a single person feel like they had to wait too long for a drink. It didn’t matter if the bar was filled to capacity—which it rarely was—they were fast and efficient.

  Krew caught my eye with a beaming smile from across the way and was quick to fill a pint with my go-to ale. As he crossed the bar and set it down, he winked, flirty as always.

  “Take a seat, sugar, the show just started. Pricilla is one hot mama, let me tell you. She’s amazing.”

  I eyed the show and the voluptuous queen decked out in crimson and sequins with an updo so high it gave her another foot of height. She certainly was a spectacle and had the crowd eating out of the palm of her hand.

  “Sounds great. I need a second beer.”

  Krew flinched and peered at the one he’d served as though confused. “Double fisting tonight, are we? Rough day?” With that, he noted my shades and a frown stole his smile as though my donning them was all the confirmation he needed.

  Before he could remove them or make a fuss, I took hold of the back of his neck and drew him closer, so I could speak in his ear and not yell over the crowd.

  “Corner table by the door. That’s Adrian. Keep your fucking comments to yourself and don’t give me a hard time about it. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.”

  He pulled back enough to peer over my shoulder, his whole body vibrating with giddiness. When he turned his attention back to me, he looked fit to burst. He clapped his hands in front of his face and did a little eager, dancy jumpy thing on the spot which made me roll my eyes.

  “Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ohmygod!”

  “Keep it down. Fuck, you’re worse than a twelve-year-old girl. Get me another drink, and keep Rigger away from me, can you do that?”

  He stood at attention and saluted me before backing away and mouthing, “I’m so freaking happy for you.”

  It was looking like there was a good possibility that Krew would have to die that evening. I’d miss him, but my best friend was certainly not someone who understood the term “mind your own fucking business.”

  He returned in a flash with another beer and a big stupid grin which earned him a glare.

  “Go, sweetheart, and try not to be an ass. Don’t say anything stupid. And don’t be a bitch to him like you are to me. In fact, it would be best if you didn’t speak through this date at all. You’ll ruin it.”

  “I’m not that bad,” I said, grabbing the beers he put down.

  Krew cocked his hip and gave me his typical attitude and duh expression. “Girlfriend, you are more miserable than my ninety-eight-year-old great-grandfather when the Sunday school kids come to sing for him at the home. And that man is mis-era-ble!”

  I didn’t bother with a response and returned to Adrian with our drinks. The poor guy looked out of place. He seemed as fascinated by the show on stage as he was embarrassed by it. Even in the low light of the bar and from behind my shades, his cheeks were noticeably tinted.

  I sat across from him and slid his drink over. “It’s a pale ale. I hope it’s okay.”

  He nodded and hugged his hands around it like it was hot chocolate or something before he brought it to his mouth for a sip. The foam gathered on his upper lip, and I smiled as he drank a mouthful and licked it away. When his nose wrinkled, I chuckled.

  “Let me guess, you’re the top-of-the-class, study all the time, and never go out drinking because it might take away from your studies kinda guy?”

  His face fell, and instantly I knew Krew was right, I shouldn’t talk at all because I was bound to say something incredibly stupid. Like that.

  “I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” I amended.

  He turned to the show and shrugged. “Was it meant as a compliment? Because it didn’t feel like it.”

  Wishing I could erase the last two minutes, I clamped my mouth shut so I wouldn’t further fuck things up and watched the show for a bit.

  “Okay, bitches, the fabulous Francois has a beauty of a question for y’all, don’t you, love?” Pricilla asked the man on the end who was sectioned off from the other three guys on stage. “Let’s hear it.”

  She handed the man her microphone, and he scooped it up with enthusiasm. His dark hair and almond skin tone gave him a sexy, middle-eastern look. He was handsome and seemed tall, even though he was sitting.

  “Bachelors,” he sing-songed. “I’m parched and could really use a drink. If you were going to serve me up a shot, what kind of shot would you give me and why?”

  He returned the microphone to Pricilla who strutted her stuff in front of the stage as she repeated the question.

  “So, let’s see, who is going to answer first?” She eyeballed the other three men with a mischievous smile. “How about you, bachelor number three? You’re all squirmy over there, looking ready to blow your load already. Let’s put you out of your misery, shall we? What kind of shot would you serve our gorgeous Francois and why?”

  Bachelor number three was a cute blond wearing white short-shorts and a tank-top that barely covered his upper torso, ending just around his navel. His toned abs were on display, and he sat straight and preened his nails as he side-eyed the host. His arms were covered in bracelets, and his crossed legs were displayed in a manner that clearly showed off his painted toenails and flipflops.

  “That’s easy, Pricilla. Francois, I would serve you a Four Horseman, darling. Because the more, the merrier I say.”

  The crowd whistled and clapped as bachelor number three returned his microphone to Pricilla looking particularly devious. I chuckled and side-eyed Adrian who looked confused. Before I could explain it, Pricilla turned to the crowd.

  “Oh, Kre
w, sweetheart, will you come and explain to all those who don’t understand what’s in a Four Horseman?”

  Krew bounced over, eager to take part. Being the center of attention was right up his alley. He clutched the microphone, speaking into it like he was about to deep-throat it, and making his voice carry easily across the room as he batted his long lashes seductively at the crowd.

  “Oh, hell yeah, a Four Horseman is a little bit of Jim, Jack, Johnny, and Jamison. So, bachelor number three, if Francois picks you, just remember, I’m all about a little group action. Yummy.” Then he licked his lips and fluttered his eyes once more at the man who was as much about attention as Krew. The connection they shared said it all, and somehow, I knew where Krew’s night would end him.

  However, I could see disaster on the horizon if those two ever hooked-up. Two men like that might make sense in theory, but it was only asking for trouble. They’d spend their lives fighting for attention.

  The confusion on Adrian’s face was replaced by further embarrassment. He turned around at the table and sipped his beer, not looking like he was enjoying it any better but taking solace in the effect it gave.

  “They have shows here on occasion. It can be fun.”

  Adrian didn’t respond. He studied his drink, deep in thought. As I turned back to hear bachelor number two’s answer, Adrian blurted, “Yes, I study all the time, and I have good grades. I’m not social. I don’t have friends. That’s why I don’t go out, not because my schooling is more important.”

  I flinched at his sudden remark, but more so at the hurt feelings that clearly accompanied his words. My comment from earlier was long forgotten, or so I’d thought.

  “Like I said, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m sorry. I just… we’re a lot alike in some ways.”

  He huffed and shook his head. “We are nothing alike.”

  “Hey!” I snapped, slapping my hand on the table to force his head up. He jumped, face full of fear and uncertainty. I cursed the ease at which he startled. “Do you remember what I said in the alley? Adrian,” I leaned in and removed my shades, so he could see into my soul and know I meant what I said. “I spent my life being taken down by bullies like your roommates. Being a nerd isn’t a prerequisite for being tormented, believe me. My life is a fucking mess because of a prank some assholes thought they’d pull on me while I was in college. It was funny to them. I almost died. So, understand this right fucking now, that I will never, ever, treat you that way. When I ask about your roommates and what is going on in your life, it’s because I sense trouble, and I’ll be fucking damned if I just sit back and watch anyone else go through what I did. So, I’m not teasing you about your brains or the way you dress or the number of friends you do or don’t have. I’m just as inept in that department as you are, so cut me some slack. I don’t know what to say, and I’m really good at putting my foot in my mouth. See the guy serving drinks? The one who answered the question about the shot? That’s my best friend, Krew. My only friend. And I’ve only known him for two years. What does that say about me?”