Shades of Darkness (Trials of Fear Book 2) Read online

  “The resort was fucking beautiful. There were so many college students from all over the world, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I fit in. How one of us didn’t drown in the ocean, I have no idea. We were never sober. The first three days were a blur of drinking and fucking. It was amazing.”

  My cheeks flamed, and I dashed my gaze away, even though Rory wasn’t looking at me. His flippant way of announcing his sexual deviancy highlighted my own inexperience all the brighter. I probably was the only twenty-four-year-old college student who’d never had sex. Rory’s experience with bullies wasn’t all that different from mine, yet he’d sure jumped on the sex bandwagon without a problem.

  I was so stuck in my head, I didn’t realize he’d stopped talking. Every muscle in his body had tensed. Even his teeth were clenched. I took a chance and rested a hand on his back, drawing him to the present.

  “What happened, Rory?”

  “I think it was supposed to be a harmless prank, or at least I want to believe they didn’t mean to cause me so much harm.

  “Everyday, we started drinking from the time we got up in the morning until we passed out sometime in the evening. Ordered our first drinks with breakfast. Our hangovers didn’t have time to cause us problems because we all basically stayed drunk. Even intoxicated, I kept half a mind for ensuring I didn’t get burnt being out in the sun all day. I can thank my mother for that. She drilled it into my head young how sensitive my pale skin would be unprotected. So, anytime I returned to my room, I re-lathered with sunscreen.

  “On the afternoon of the fourth day there, we spent hours in the pool. When we got out, the guys insisted we grab some lunch. So, we got a table under a huge canopy, and instead of food, we drank ourselves stupid. Tom was ordering the drinks, and I didn’t know he was feeding me doubles until I was so fucking hammered I could barely stand up.

  “They dragged me down to the beach, and when I said I needed sunscreen, Cody laughed and told me I was paranoid and should let myself get a nice tan because I was too pasty. When I kicked up a stink, Cody tackled me to the ground and wrestled me on my stomach. Everyone was laughing, and I thought it was drunken fun, so I laughed too.

  “When Cody got me down, he lay on top of me and licked the shell of my ear. In my drunken haze, I remember thinking, What the fuck? Cody isn’t gay. His hands were all over me. My mind wants to say there were more than his hands, but I don’t know for sure. The memory is blurry. But his voice in my ear I remember clearly. ‘Close your eyes,’ he told me. ‘You like my hands on you, don’t you?’ I groaned, knowing, if Cody wanted to experiment and fuck me, I’d let him. I was drunk and horny. Next, I remember that he rid me of my swim trunks, and his hands were everywhere; my shoulders, my back, and kneading my ass. Something wet coated my skin, but my drunken mind processed it as lube. I didn’t know where the other guys went or if they were there watching, but I didn’t care. Cody kept insisting I keep my eyes closed, so I did while I swam in his touch…”

  Rory trailed off. He went stock still, and I held my breath, waiting for him to keep going. My stomach was in knots, and I didn’t know if it was the looming presence of something in his story that was about to go wrong or the fact that he was describing a potentially sexy moment with another guy.

  His eyes were unfocused and glistening in the scant light that reached them. Was he crying?

  “His touch felt good, but it went on for so long, I passed out. One minute, Cody’s hands are massaging my bare skin, the next, I’m out cold. Fucking alcohol. It wasn’t lube. He’d covered my body with tanning oil and left me sprawled out naked in the midday sun on my stomach for hours. I suffered third-degree burns to over half my back and most of my ass. Second-degree burns down both legs.”

  Bile turned my stomach. All the air left my lungs, and I stared at Rory in disbelief. “Jesus,” I whispered. “Are you serious?”

  “I was hospitalized, and it was three days before I was flown home and admitted to a hospital in Canada. Enough time to accumulate medical bills I knew I could never pay. I ended up with a severe infection. There were areas on my back and ass that required skin grafting, too, because the damage was so severe. They kept me in the hospital for weeks. I was on morphine, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, you name it. Everything. I’ve never been in so much pain in my life.”

  I couldn’t even wrap my head around the cruelty of what had happened to him. Not only had he endured what would have been unbelievable amounts of pain, but the psychological damage was affecting him still six years later. I had so many questions, but all I could do was stand there and watch him. No wonder he didn’t trust people.

  After a few minutes of silence, he shook out of his daze and looked at me. The sadness behind his eyes was deep and unhidden. The shadows deeper and more prominent now that I knew what caused them.

  He stepped forward, cupped my face, and stared deep into my eyes. The glassy surfaces of his irises weren’t hidden. His emotions were peaked and ready to spill over. His control was threatening to crack.

  “I have a really hard time letting people get close to me. You deserve better. You don’t need someone who’s cold and distant, you need—”

  “Rory, you’re not. You’ve just shared the most difficult part of your past with me. That’s not cold or distant. That’s allowing yourself to be vulnerable.”

  “I can be kind of an asshole.”

  “Shut up and kiss me.”

  His mouth crushed mine without a second thought. Our tongues tangled and tasted one another as he advanced, pushing me against the railing and moving in close. It was different that time. Rory had let go. There were no more reservations or second thoughts, and yet, he wasn’t kissing me in such a sex-hungry way that made it seem like he wanted only one thing. It was desperate but passionate. Tender and hummed with a longing that resonated through him and into my own body.

  We kissed and explored each other for a long time. Breaking apart for air, I kept Rory back by threading my fingers through his hair and enjoying the feel of his soft shaved sides. My nerves were jumping, but I wasn’t going to allow him to stop us that time.

  “Take me inside. Show me your room,” I said before I could chicken out, hoping he read between the lines.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Rory

  I’d never had sex before where emotions were involved. The idea of opening up and letting someone else in scared me more than I realized. When I could maintain an emotionless barrier, the only thing I had to focus on was release. With Adrian, I didn’t have a wall to hide behind anymore. My heart was exposed, and when that happened, the certainty of disaster was almost enough to make me back out.

  Almost.

  Considering our contrasting experience levels when it came to sex, I should have been the one to lead him to the bedroom, but it was the other way around. Adrian’s fingers were warm and slick in my hand as he tugged me along. They trembled slightly and gripped harder the closer we got to the end of the hall. He was nervous but determined.

  Then, that assuredness drifted away when we stopped beside my bed. In the short time I’d known him, Adrian exhibited recognizable signs of distress when he became uncomfortable or unsure. One of those signs was that he adjusted his glasses, another, he gnawed his bottom lip. Both actions made me smile.

  I needed to take the reins, and I needed to remember Adrian hadn’t been down that road before. Everything was new for him, and for some reason, he wanted me to be the guide. My heart raced. It had never raced so out of control before fucking, and that was when I understood it was because that wasn’t the direction we were going. Fucking would have been easier.

  Perhaps, I was just as much a virgin as Adrian when it came to sharing sex on an emotional level.

  The bedroom was dark. Krew would have helped himself to the bedside lamp, but Adrian simply stared at me from the shadows. I didn’t move to change the situation, because, with my nerves already on edge, the extra cloak of darkness helped keep me calm.

/>   I stepped closer and angled Adrian’s face up before kissing him again. His flavor alighted a thrilling tingle that sang through my body. I liked it and took him deeper, kissed him harder, tasted him, and savored every sensation.

  Aching to touch him, I slid my hands under his shirt and danced gentle fingers over his smooth abdomen and around to his back. When he went to copy my actions, I lifted from his mouth and stilled his advances, gripping his wrists gently but firmly enough it rose his confusion.

  What I wanted to give him and what I was able to give him were two different things. Already, I’d laid my past at his feet. It was a step in the right direction, but there was one wall I wasn’t ready to tear down. Knowing the damage I’d incurred and seeing it were not the same thing.

  “Please don’t take this personally. I… I’m not ready for you to see. Not right now. Not like this. It’s… I’m sorry.”

  It seemed like such an unfair request. More than anything, I wanted to strip Adrian down and admire his body. Touch him all over. Worship him with my mouth and hands. Yet, I was only willing to lose part of my clothing, and even then, it would be enough to make me feel overexposed.

  Adrian didn’t show any indication he was upset by my request. He smiled, removed his glasses, placed them on the bedside table, and pulled me down on the bed. The way we fell, he ensured I was over top of him, and he lifted his head to join our mouths once more, kissing me soundly before pulling back.

  “Give me what you can, Rory. Just being here with you is more than amazing.”

  We kissed. There was a lot of kissing. It was a starting point, a place we both felt comfortable while we learned each other on a deeper level. I never used to enjoy kissing. It was an intimacy I’d never cared for. With Adrian, I couldn’t get enough. His tongue was like silk, and the way he nipped at my bottom lip when his bravery grew was glorious, exciting, and unbelievably erotic in a way I’d never known. The small sounds that whimpered from his throat when I pressed our lower bodies together gave me goosebumps. He smelled of soap and man, alighting all my senses to the highest extreme.

  As we kissed, and the pressure of our arousals grew, I wanted more. But how much more was the question. If Adrian was as green as he claimed, I didn’t want to dive right into the deep end. I feared I couldn’t be gentle or careful enough.

  I shifted off him but kept our mouths joined. My erection was crushed inside my jeans and pressed against his thigh. I rocked into him, enjoying the building sensation as I moved a hand to the bulge in his own pants. He stopped kissing when I touched him, moaned when I gave a gentle squeeze to his stiff length, and whimpered when I whispered in his ear, “Can I suck you off?”

  He nodded, but there was uncertainty on his face which stilled my hand. The tremble throughout his body wasn’t hidden. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m nervous. And I’m pretty sure I’m not going to last at all, and then I’ll be really embarrassed. But I don’t want you to stop. I want this.”

  I chuckled and worked at the button on his jeans. “Good thing I plan to make you come more than once tonight. As many times as you’re able, if I have my say.”

  A shudder ran through his body. If the light was better, I was certain Adrian’s cheeks would show a flaming blush. Out of fairness, I left his shirt on since I didn’t want mine removed. He lifted his hips and allowed me to slide his pants down his legs and off. Then, I removed my own, leaving us both in our underwear.

  I studied the mound in his tighty-whities, losing focus for a minute while I imagined all the things I wanted to do to Adrian. I crawled back overtop of him, straddling his thighs. Bracing myself on elbows, one on either side of his head, I rocked, bringing our erections together.

  Adrian squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back on a gasp as he snagged a firm hold on my hips, stilling me.

  “Oh shit, that feels too good.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed, and I sucked over the protrusion, licking and nibbling up to his chin. I fought his restraining hold and ground us together while finding his mouth and kissing him. He could barely manage the overload of sensations. Vibrations ravaged his body and echoed in my own.

  I wanted to taste him—all of him. I wanted to take him down my throat and make him come so hard his smart brain forgot how to think for once, but I knew if I went there immediately, it would be over in seconds flat. When I tasted him, I wanted to be there long enough to savor him.

  I worked his underwear down and then removed my own. The heat of our bodies when they slid together was intense enough I wasn’t sure I’d last either. There was no more kissing. Adrian was blissed out and lost in the moment, head tilted back, eyes squeezed shut. He panted and rocked with me, grinding and gliding us together.

  He wound his fingers into my hair and held on so tight it bordered painful, but I didn’t care and moved faster, with more determination. A slick, sticky coating of pre-cum aided our glide. Whether it was him leaking or me or both of us, I couldn’t be sure, but it amped up everything.

  When I reached between our bodies and took us together, it was game over. In a few short strokes, Adrian pulled our foreheads together and cried out as warm wetness coated my hand and his stomach. Just feeling his release sent me over the edge, and I clamped my teeth and growled as each pulse riveted through me.

  Panting, both of us struggling to catch our breath, Adrian joined our mouths as he shuddered and licked at my lips and tongue. Since when did sex feel that good? Fuck, I hadn’t even penetrated him. My head buzzed as we became lost in each other, tongues tangled, sex-heated skin pressed together. Time didn’t matter. My past didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but Adrian.

  As the magnitude of our shared pleasure eased, so did our desperate kissing. I was far from done with him. Moving down his body, Adrian touched my cheek and traced his fingers along my jaw.

  “What are you doing?”

  “What I told you I wanted to do.”

  I nuzzled the top of his thigh and licked a trail to the base of his cock. He’d never gone fully soft, and the mention of my plan to suck him made him twitch and grow. I licked up the side of his dick, tasting both our releases, encouraging him to grow stiffer. By the time I reached his tip, he keened and grabbed for my hair.

  “It’s too much,” he whined.

  Too much? He had no idea. In one swift motion, I sucked him to the back of my throat, making him come off the bed. He bucked and cried out, squirmed and begged. I savored the taste of him—of us—swirling my tongue around his length as I lifted off again. Slowly, I drew his orgasm to the surface. He met every glide, fucking into my mouth and making the cutest noises I’d ever heard. When I sensed him getting closer, I showed him no mercy and set a quick rhythm, blasting him over the edge before he could think to slow me down. His cries were broken and hoarse, strangled and uninhibited.

  God, he was sexy when he let go.

  I took every drop of his offering before climbing his body and crushing our mouths together. His eyes were half-closed, and his limbs were splayed out across my bed.

  “You okay?” I asked, moving my kisses by his ear.

  “I can’t move. I think you killed me. That was a million times more incredible than I ever imagined.”

  I chuckled and shifted beside him. He was wrecked. His eyes fell closed as I caressed his thigh and moved my hand under his shirt, smoothing it across his abdomen. His chest was mostly hairless except for a fine trail leading down from his navel. What we’d shared was so much more than I’d ever had with anyone before. We stared into each other’s eyes saying nothing for a long time, absorbing the moment and what it meant.

  Adrian’s eyes grew heavier and heavier until he could no longer keep them open. He found my hand and laced our fingers together. Never had I allowed Krew to pass out in my bed after a good fuck, but with Adrian, the idea bloomed warmth in my chest. It was startling the emotions I felt when I was with him.

  As he drifted off, I didn’t rouse him. When his breathing changed, I s
imply stared in awe at the man beside me, wondering what exactly was happening and why Adrian had caused such chaos in my heart. Not a bad chaos, but certainly a disruption to my normal way of feeling. I liked it. A lot, and yet, it scared me more than I could understand.

  I thought he was asleep until he rolled his head and cracked his eyes. He yawned, and his brow scrunched up like he was thinking deeply. “What happened to Cody?”

  My stomach clenched, and a shiver rippled over my skin, washing away all the good feelings we’d been sharing. I lay my head beside Adrian’s and studied his face in the darkness. Again, I was baffled that I’d let him see my darkest thoughts and worst memories. I stroked a thumb over his hand, and he squeezed in return. It was his way of offering me strength.

  “He was charged with aggravated assault, sentenced to two years imprisonment, and fined twenty thousand dollars plus the additional medical and court costs. Jerry, Tom, and Brady were charged for aiding and abetting. Same jail time, lesser fines.”

  Adrian broke eye contact and rolled to his back, peering at the ceiling with a scowl. “I’m glad they were punished, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

  “No. Me either. They fucked up my entire life, but after eighteen months in jail, they got out on good behavior and basically returned to their lives as usual. Meanwhile, six years down the line, I’m so psychologically damaged, I can’t go outside in the daytime or tolerate anything more than dim light.”

  Adrian went quiet. I knew he was thinking, so I rested beside him and let him while I tried to clear my mind. Rage brewed back to the surface, and it wasn’t what I wanted to feel. I’d thought about it enough over the past six years, I didn’t want to wallow all over again. Not after what we’d just shared.

  “Where were your parents when this happened? Did they come to see you?”

  “Yeah. Eventually, mom did. She had to fly to Ontario. Dad couldn’t get the time off without risking his position, and in truth, the cost was insane, so they couldn’t both afford to come. They’d only just managed to pull their heads above water and me needing them put a huge strain on them financially.