Shades of Darkness (Trials of Fear Book 2) Read online

  Rory chuckled around my erection and tapped that spot again. My orgasm instantly surfaced, and one more thrust of his finger and I was done. The pleasure encompassed my entire body, rolling over me in waves, and left me limp and breathless.

  Rory crawled up my body and kissed me—an action I could barely return.

  “I’m guessing you’ve never met your prostate before.”

  He guessed correctly, but I didn’t need to tell him since my cheeks flamed, and he could read the answer on my face. Sure, I’d read all about it but never got the nerve to investigate.

  “That was pretty awesome.”

  “It gets better, believe me.”

  I didn’t mean to be impatient, but I was dying to know all about better.

  When my limbs regained their function, I rolled Rory to his back and returned the favor, minus the prostate massage since the act of giving head was still new and awkward. Rory never made me feel like I was doing anything wrong. He had no inhibitions about guiding me, either.

  “Use your hand, too. Stroke me at the same time.” I did, and his fingers dug into my shoulders. “Ah, fuck, yeah, like that.”

  It was wet and sloppy but hearing him respond only made me work harder to bring him to his peak. I’d always been a perfectionist with school; blowjobs were no different. It was my goal to always improve. I wanted to know what turned Rory inside out then kick it up a few notches from there.

  Rory’s flavor leaked into my mouth—a preview of what was to come—as I sucked him closer to release. The heady tang of his semen made me hum with pleasure. I loved the way he tasted and milked him for more until his muscles went rigid, and he gave me his full offering.

  We lay together in silence afterward, bare skin to bare skin. My mind wouldn’t settle. It was a tangle of lust and satisfaction… and worry.

  Too many things scrambled in my thoughts. I wanted to talk about therapy options but didn’t know how to bring it up. For the umpteenth time, I wanted to encourage Rory to actually, really and truly fuck me but didn’t want to sound needy. Part of me wanted to unload my own troubled past, but I didn’t want to take away from what he’d shared.

  Post orgasm bliss hadn’t much worked to calm me down, but I stayed quiet and enjoyed our connection instead of ruining it with talk.

  “Krew invited us to go to Bottoms Up tonight. He said they’re having a local band in or something.”

  “That man got me drunk last time we were there.”

  Rory chuckled. “I’ll keep him in line. No more Krew specials. Interested?”

  “Sure.”

  We cleaned up and were out the door within twenty minutes. It was eleven thirty as we turned onto the main street of downtown Dewhurst. It didn’t surprise me when Rory put on his sunglasses. The streetlights and nightlife made everything brighter than the dark alleys we took to get there. If we ever did work on immersion therapy, step one might be leaving those shades behind.

  Just as we were about to enter Bottoms Up, a familiar voice rang out behind us.

  “Adrianna! Wait! Don’t go in there. That’s not the library.”

  It was followed by snickering. Lots of snickering.

  I bristled as I turned, knowing Calvin’s voice before I even looked him in the eyes. He was surrounded by a handful of people. Dylan was the only other guy I recognized.

  They weren’t worth my breath, but as I turned to follow Rory inside, intent on ignoring them, I collided with his chest. The look on his face was pure venom. He removed his shades, and the fury in his eyes was hotter than the surface of the sun.

  “Is that them?” he asked, his voice low and eerily dark.

  He shoved his glasses into my hand as I answered. “Let’s just go inside.”

  “Adrianna, is that your girlfriend? How come you didn’t tell us you were dating? She’s cute.”

  Everything happened in a flash. First, Rory’s entire body tensed, then, he was gone. He shot around me and slammed Calvin against the wall of the building before I knew what was happening.

  “Say that again, you fucking piece of shit! To my face.”

  “Rory!” I went to intervene, but all it took was one look from Dylan to still my advance.

  Cold fear surrounded me, but Calvin wasn’t intimidated. The smile that filled his face was just as menacing as Rory’s anger. “Are you Adrianna’s little bitch? We know he’s a faggot.”

  Rory slammed him into the wall again and planted his face directly in Calvin’s. “I know all about you and your little games, asshole. Consider this a warning. You lay one finger on him, I’ll break it off. Your little posse won’t be able to save you.”

  Calvin’s back met the wall a third time, and I cringed at the force. Rory and Calvin were in a stare-off, but it was clear Calvin was the underdog. I shifted my gaze from them to Dylan and the group of friends they were with. Dylan met my eyes and sneered.

  “Call him off, Adrian.”

  I didn’t know what to do. Calvin had brought it on himself, and part of me was thrilled to finally see him get a taste of his own medicine. Whereas I might have tucked tail and run, Rory wouldn’t stand for it. My heart thrashed as I stood frozen to the spot. Eventually, Rory released his grip on Calvin’s shirt and stepped back. A crowd had grown, and a few people hovered by the entrance to Bottoms Up, probably having caught the fight through the window.

  Calvin had lost his cocky edge as he smoothed his shirt back in place. Rory leaned in close and spoke in a harsh whisper anyone within a ten-foot radius could have heard.

  “You better not give me a reason to come knocking on your door.”

  Calvin shoved Rory aside and disappeared down the road in the opposite direction with the rest of his gang. The buzz in the street dissipated, and Rory approached. I handed him back his sunglasses, but instead of putting them on, he pocketed them and took my face between his hands. His fury had shifted to concern, and my breath caught in my lungs at its intensity.

  “You can’t live there. Was that one of your roommates?”

  I nodded. “Bullies thrive on your anger. It’s best you ignore their actions because it takes away their power when they see you don’t care.”

  “Yeah, and how’s that working out for you?”

  I lowered my eyes. “Not so great.”

  “Adrian, if those are the kind of shitheads you’re living with, you have to move. Look what happened to me. People are getting worse, not better. In this society, they think they are invincible. They’ve become fearless. Bullying is out of control.”

  “I know!” I pushed out of his hold and pivoted, unsure where to put myself. “I’m trying, okay?” I stared at the tinted windows to Bottoms Up, hearing the band easily, even from outside. “Can we go somewhere else? I’m not in the mood for this now.”

  Rory took my hand without question, and I followed him. I didn’t pay attention to what direction we went. My mind was a clutter of noise as I tried to determine what might happen since Rory intervened with Calvin and Dylan. Would things be worse now? Better?

  Before I knew it, we’d reached Angels Park, and Rory guided me to a bench at the far side of the play equipment. He didn’t release my hand, and he didn’t speak, but his emotions were still peaked.

  “Did you know,” I started, “the most common causes of bullying are physical appearance, race, disability, gender, religion, or sexual orientation?” I didn’t wait for an answer. I didn’t want one. “Did you know it’s more common for people to be bullied on school grounds than off? That boys are at a higher risk of physical bullying than verbal? Statistically, people who are bullied are at a higher risk of depression or have negative health effects. It's also the leading cause of teen suicide.”

  “I get it, you’ve read your ass off about all this.”

  “I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology, and I still can’t fight the current. No matter where I go, what I do, or how I act, I have a target painted on my head the size of the moon. I left high school behind four years ago, yet here
I am battling two of the worst bullies I’ve ever had to deal with. What’s worse? I live with them.”

  “How bad is it?”

  I sat forward and toed at the dirt under the bench. I couldn’t see it, but it felt like sand.

  “I avoid them for the most part. I put a lock on my bedroom door for when I’m gone because they were taking my things and invading my space. I came home once to find strangers asleep in my bed. They’ve always called me Adrianna, but I’ve been hearing that since kindergarten, so it isn’t something new. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for giving me a girl’s name. It’s mostly verbal teasing, and I can ignore that. Sticks and stones, you know? Calvin put red panties in with my laundry and made everything pink. They uploaded a virus to my computer.”

  “They put a leaking beer can in your lunch to try and get you fired.”

  I shrugged. “I try to stay out of the way. Hopefully, I can get out of there soon. If my dad would listen, I’d move, maybe room with other students, but he only cares about my grades. The rest is trivial.”

  “Maybe—”

  “Let’s drop it. I do what I can to get away from it, and right now, I just want to enjoy some time with you. I’m sorry they messed up our night.”

  Rory linked our fingers, and nothing more was said. The leaves rustled high up in the trees, and a dog barked somewhere far away. Rory fidgeted. I’d have guessed he needed a smoke, but he worked hard to avoid such things when we were together. It wasn’t always possible, but I recognized the effort.

  “How is your presentation going?” he asked after a while.

  “It’s going well. I think I finally know what I’m going to do for it. I was considering eating up some of my time by making a video I could play. I thought I’d interview a few psychology students and have them talk about the different branches they’ve taken in the field. You know, let them give their perspective. I put a notice up on the psychology bulletin board asking for volunteers already. I’ve also prepared a standard few questions to ask them, so it keeps everything linear and equal.”

  “Only you.” Rory squeezed my hand and pulled me against his side. “That sounds really cool.”

  “And then I don’t need to be front and center through it all either.”

  “Smart.”

  I hesitated, then blurted out what had been on my mind for over a week. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Shoot.”

  “Are you interested in therapy?”

  Rory’s muscles tensed, but he didn’t release me. “I manage fine.”

  “There are ways to get your life back, Rory, and people willing to help.”

  “I’ll tell you what I tell Krew when he gets on this rampage of trying to save me. Help isn’t available for people like me. I can’t go to appointments in the daytime, and even if they were scheduled at night, brightly lit buildings and I clash. The best option was your work, but I’ll be honest, this,” he squeezed my hand, “appeals to me more. I’ve survived with my own adaptations. It’s not killing me to live in the dark.”

  I shifted to face him, folding a leg on the bench. “What if there was a psychiatrist willing to meet with you at home? Someone who specializes in severe phobias?”

  He stayed silent, so I kept talking. “Here’s the thing. I was reading articles, trying to find information to help with your therapy. To learn more. I came across a local doctor who wrote an article in this journal about phobias. I went and met with her for advice. I didn’t share your name, just told her a bit about your case.”

  Rory bristled, so I kept a firm hold on his hand.

  “She’s doing a study. It’s entirely phobia based. She’d like you on her caseload. She’d even come to your house.”

  “Why did you do this?”

  “Because you’re locked inside this world where you can’t escape. Maybe it seems okay so long as you play by your self-imposed rules, but you’re missing out on a whole lot, Rory. You rely heavily on other people.”

  Rory shook his head. “I don’t think so. My system works fine. I didn’t want to see you, but Krew pushed it. It’s not like I have out of control anxiety or anything. I just have limitations. Lots of people do in this world. It’s not a big deal.”

  “What about this.” I tapped his temple, and he swatted my hand away.

  “It’s fine. I can handle it.”

  “Rory—”

  “I can’t afford a psychologist.”

  “She’s a psychiatrist. They are fully covered.”

  “And how long is her waiting list?”

  “She’d take you immediately if you agreed to be part of her study.”

  “So what?” he snapped. “I’m a fucking animal now? I go and tell my sad tale, so she can poke me and throw drugs at me and write about my story so anyone and their dog can read it? No fucking thank you.”

  I clamped my mouth shut. I’d pushed too hard. Rory dislodged his hand from mine and tipped his head to look at the canopy of trees overhead.

  “I’m sorry. I-I was just trying to help.”

  His breathing was the only sound in the dark night. “I don’t want the world to know my past. It was hard enough telling you. If that’s the deal I need to make to meet with this woman, it won’t work. I don’t want to be some lab rat.”

  There would be no explaining how a study actually worked while he was upset, so I tried a different angle.

  “I’m sure she would change your name for confidentiality reasons if you asked.”

  “Adrian,” he glared through the dark, “I said no. Let’s drop it, okay?”

  That was two dropped subjects in the span of an hour. Great. Why couldn’t we hold onto those good feelings we’d shared earlier and leave reality behind for a while?

  “We need to go on a date,” he announced.

  “What?” My shock made him laugh.

  “A date. Isn’t that what most people do when they start seeing each other? They have date nights. Get to know one another.”

  All I could think of were the multitude of limitations in front of us because of Rory’s sensitivity to light. I didn’t know if a restaurant would be too much. Probably.

  “Like what?”

  “We should go to the movies.”

  “That won’t bother you?”

  “I’ll bring my shades. If I’m too uncomfortable, I’ll put them on. I watch TV at home sometimes.”

  “Oh… That would be fun.”

  I’d never been on a date.

  “I’ll make us dinner beforehand, too. I don’t cook really, but I order a mean pizza.”

  “I love it.” I leaned on his shoulder, and he kissed the top of my head. “When?”

  “Tomorrow night. If you aren’t too busy.”

  “I’m all yours.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Rory

  They busted the lock on my door.

  I read Adrian’s text three times before I could respond. My gut stirred uncomfortably. I didn’t like the guys he roomed with. I didn’t trust them.

  Is anything missing? Did they break anything?

  I waited for a response, assuming he was looking around to be sure. Adrian had just left my place. We’d gone to the movies the past two weekends, but that weekend, we’d sat by the water and watched the stars overhead and the blinking lights on the boats crossing the river in the distance until almost morning. It had been nothing short of amazing. But, spending any time in Adrian’s presence was amazing. I looked forward to seeing him, and our bond had grown considerably over the past few weeks.

  They cleaned out my food stash. Nothing else looks damaged or missing.

  I growled and lit a cigarette before sending him a reply.

  They’re fucking dicks. I don’t like that they broke your lock. What’s next? Come back. I don’t trust those fuckers.

  His response was immediate, and I knew I wouldn’t like his answer.

  It’s fine. It’s not the first time they’ve taken my food. I’ll just put the lock back up again. I have i
nterviews to do at ten this morning, and then I have to get some sleep before work tonight. I’ll be okay.

  If the sun hadn’t already crested the horizon, I’d have been halfway across campus to confront those jackasses and drag Adrian back to my apartment.

  We’d grown comfortable with each other over the past few weeks. We saw each other every weekend and talked through text constantly. Once, the week after our first movie date, he’d come over on a Wednesday after work and crashed at my place. It was the first time I’d ever shared my bed with anyone other than a cat.

  It was addictive, and ever since, I’d convinced Adrian to stay over on weekends. Everything between the sheets had heated up considerably. His confidence had grown, and he seemed to have developed an affinity for giving head. I wasn’t complaining. We had yet to take that final step, and it wasn’t from lack of interest or desire. Adrian was eager. I, for some fucked-up reason I couldn’t explain, was terrified.

  Adrian wasn’t a random fuck. As many walls as I’d torn down for him, one still stood strong, safeguarding my heart. When we crossed that line, I knew what it would do to me.

  I stared at my phone, reading his text again before punching at the keyboard.

  Text me if you have a problem. Anytime. I’ll keep my phone on.

  And then what? If he had a problem at noon, three in the afternoon, or ten minutes from now, what was I supposed to do? He knew it, and I knew it. My words and promises held no water. I was a prisoner in my apartment so long as the sun hung in the sky.

  All he texted back was a heart emoji. Those were new, and every time I saw them my stomach fluttered. We didn’t make plans to see each other again, but it wasn’t unusual. Adrian knew he was welcome anytime, and there was an unspoken agreement that he’d come over on Saturday if not before.

  I crawled into bed with trepidation in my heart. In six years, I’d never felt more limited or contained as I had in the past few weeks. I’d told Adrian I’d adapted to my life, but that was before he’d shown up. It wasn’t all about me anymore, and what good was there in having a boyfriend if I couldn’t be there for him when he needed me?

  His awards ceremony was coming up in a month. It was an all-day event. Not only was he putting on a presentation for new students, but his parents were coming to see him receive his awards. I knew he wanted me there, but I also knew he’d never voice that desire in a million years. It wasn’t even an option.